is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
