I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can tuck mytits in my pants
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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