I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
