I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
