Tell her she can't have a vagina
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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