it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
