i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
