She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize