the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Non-Jews are for practice
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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