u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
