Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
