i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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