I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
