well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I want to be your penis for a week.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
