You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
