i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
