I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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