Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize