Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
