I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
