I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
