just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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