Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
