MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
