You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He shit in the fireplace
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
