took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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