I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
