Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
