after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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