sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
