Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
