wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
