can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
