I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize