Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
