the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
