I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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