Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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