just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
