Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
