What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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