This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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