They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
