Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
