how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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