The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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