girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
