I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize