Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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