Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
