Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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