Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
