Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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