things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
