How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
