I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
