why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
