I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
