writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
