I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
