It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
