wanna go halves on a baby?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize