It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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