Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Someone shattered a urinal.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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