i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
