I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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