I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
