I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
