It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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