Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
