Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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