You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
