even my farts smell like vagina
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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