Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
