my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Randomize
