I need help removing her.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
