im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
