Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
