i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize