I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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