I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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