Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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