I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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