some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
