I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
