it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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