Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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