he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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