i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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