I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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