we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
