Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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