I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
